I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Enjoy the penises
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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