What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
