i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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