after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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