Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
