i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
