I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
