Whod you bang
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
