i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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