Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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