my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
