I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
