he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
