dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
