Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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