i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
