My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
