You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
