You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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