my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
