You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
