So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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