when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
