i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
