I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize