Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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