I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
