There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
