I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.