it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I need moral support for this bender
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
