ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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