Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
