He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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