How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm at about main and main street
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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