She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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