i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
