This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize