its not stalking. its research.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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