how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
