Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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