New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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