In the future we'll all be gay
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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