i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
