fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
please don't ironically join a cult
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