You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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