There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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