Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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