Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
