that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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