I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We have started to decorate penises.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
