our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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