she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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