the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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