fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
