yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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