Your tits are I can't wait for
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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