I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
