"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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