Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
