My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
