So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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