If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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