my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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