Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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