My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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