Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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