**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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