I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
