I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
