I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize