wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
