why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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