I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
