Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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